that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
