I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
