my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
