Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
