That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
