My nipple is on Facebook.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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