ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize