You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
