It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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