jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
