porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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