K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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