The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize