so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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