Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
