should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
