oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
