Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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