I hate all girls vehemently.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
