I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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