I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
