So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
