So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
