you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize