I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
