...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize