He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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