There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
