You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
