we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
