Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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