She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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