Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
