Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
