We won't sleep together?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
