can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
How drunk are you?
Completed.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize