What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
