so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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