Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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