Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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