Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize