I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
