Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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