but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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