I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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