Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
