I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
my being single is dangerous.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize