Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
