Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
