I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
