Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
