My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
