So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
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