I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize