WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
All the doctor said was why
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
