you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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