Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
