I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
