You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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