I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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