please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Can you bring me the toilet please
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
