After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
