youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
