my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
