I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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