I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
