Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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