He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
