I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
