I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
