This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
