Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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