just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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