This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
