i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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