Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
