my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize