i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
