Don't make out with my wife yet
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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