I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
