I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
