she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
