Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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