Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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