ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
