clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
