I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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